Ghoumy’s Top 500 Games (2020 Edition): The Bottom Ten
As I compiled the top 500 games I really just listed every game I’d played enough to warrant consideration for this list. This includes all the bad games I’ve beaten. Enough of them charmed me enough to not be hated. I enjoy a hilariously bad game! However, these are the ones that don’t get to hide behind that defense. They’re incredibly bad. Here are my ten least favorite games:
10) Kid Paddle
It doesn’t even feel fair to evaluate a GBA mini-game compilation based on a European cartoon I’ve never heard of, but I can at least report to you that I played all of what it has to offer and none of it is good. It doesn’t help that it isn’t in English, but I tried hard to put something else here. Bioshock Infinite isn’t as bad as this despite terrible writing and stale gameplay. Sonic R isn’t as bad as this despite the racing feeling near unplayable most of the time. Words With Friends isn’t as bad as this despite ruining Scrabble forever. Kid Paddle’s minigame collection begins our bottom ten list with purpose.
9) DragonBall GT: Final Bout
I loved this game a lot when I was a kid. I never even knew DragonBall GT was a thing. I found this game at my local movie and game rental store, but one day it wasn’t there anymore. I couldn’t find it and it was hard to get it on eBay. I got to finally relive it thanks to Legal Resources and… it was awful. It was truly awful. I never felt like I was able to actually fight my opponent. The voices were garbage and the graphics left a lot to be desired. There was a mode where the more you played the more your character you chose leveled up and that seemed cool when I was young. What it really turned out to be is tedious and just unfair to play against others at different levels even if you didn’t mind grinding out experience. What a shame.
8) Fester’s Quest
The game feels like it is constantly trying to disrespect you. Most important thing to know here is that when you get weapon upgrades you actually get worse weaponry most of the time. There are so many enemies that just divide nonstop. If you don’t have like the level 3 gun or whatever it was then you basically lose because you can’t keep up with their rapid spreading. When those enemies aren’t there you’re just in these massive empty halls that serve no purpose other than to waste your time.
7) Shaq-Fu
Other, smarter people have written about why this game is so bad. It is partly due to, well, everything. They made fighting game characters, the one genre the characters should be massive on the screen so you can see the details of the battle, small. None of the music is good. On the Genesis you have to press a button to swap between being able to punch or kick. On the SNES they don’t let you play as almost half of the characters. On both versions it’s a game where nothing feels right, inputs are ridiculously difficult to perform, and it’s one of the worst fighting games ever.
6) Donkey Kong Land
What have they done to this beautiful franchise? Nothing here is fun or even feels competent and it ends with Donkey Kong returning to the world of man which just feels wrong. The levels are not fun, but they get especially bad when they abandon the country part of what this game was meant to be entirely and just put Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong in the city. These levels are absolutely terrible and I will never wish this game upon anyone.
5) Sonic and the Black Knight
A common symptom of Wii games were that they were imprecise due to the nature of the Wii Remote. Sonic and the Black Knight is beyond imprecise and does a terrible job of making me excited to do anything because moments that should be cool fall flat immediately thanks to the controls never working in my favor. Sonic also tries to kill everyone multiple times and it just feels weird. Very frustrating and very little cheesy value to get out of this game that you at least get with the other bad Sonic games.
4) Mortal Kombat Mythologies: Sub-Zero
Not only do you need to tap R2 to look left or right, but you also have to make sure you’re not falling more than 5 feet in the world where ninjas teleport around the screen, Goro stomping on your body from 20 feet in the sky minimum is just a little damage, and in this very game you fight some sort of mystical 3d polygon demon that looks incredibly bad by almost any standard. Even the fatalities you get access to in this game are extremely underwhelming. It is one thing to be a bad game, but to be a bad game while also being a Mortal Kombat game is something else.
3) Bubsy 3D
Nothing feels better than not being able to land on a platform due to the game’s terrible controls and camera while Bubsy talks a lot about how he is in fact inside of a platformer and marveling at the game designers for making the game. I am also amazed that they made this game. People are amazed that I got everything in this game. It was definitely a struggle, but sometimes you gotta 100% one of the worst games ever.
2) Deep Blue
This Turbo-Grafx 16 shoot ’em up is a game where you can try your best to defeat enemies but sometimes you just brush up against something and it suddenly kills you instead of doing a little damage. The rules are inconsistent, you’re almost always underpowered, things just kind of show up, and despite being only 4 relatively short levels this game took me like five hours to beat. It is a marvel how rotten this game is.
1) Martian Gothic Unification
Stay alone, stay alive. Take a seat because I have words with this game. So this PlayStation 1 game, which greets you with three people screaming on the cover so that sets the tone, is a survival horror game that gives you three playable characters. They all have specific things they know how to do and they all have their own inventory to manage. They can never be near each other or else they will clump together and become a monster known as a Trimorph. This alone create a lot of problems, but it gets worse when you consider the limited resources to handle very stubborn possessed corpses and a game that gives you little hints on how to find the items let alone how to use them. It has some very terrible logic, incredibly stiff dialogue, and at times terrible graphics which is inexcusable because it released in 2000 on PC and came to PS1 in North America in 2001. Nothing feels right about the game and you can spend hours trying to figure something out only to accidentally walk into a room with another character already there and you get the worst death animation ever with the three of them posing in agony and then suddenly a Trimorph dropping down in a black screen towards the camera. This is the worst video game.
Next and lastly: THE TOP* TEN GAMES!
*in my opinion
Table of Contents:
• Introduction
• #500-#401
• #400-#301
• #300-#201
• #200–#101
• #100–#11
• The Bottom Ten Games
• The Top Ten Games
